On September 21, 1978, in St. Michael's Hospital in Lethbridge, Alberta, a child by the name of Benjamin Isaac Stephens was born. The hospital no longer exists, but the information is important, in case the child - now grown - sees this journal or hears about it from someone else.

In April 1979, at the age of 7 months, Benjamin was adopted out. Information as to his whereabouts indicated that he'd been adopted by a family in Red Deer, Alberta, and that Red Deer remains home to him.

About seven years ago, in 2001, an official search for Ben was started. Papers were filled out and filed; non-identifying information was received, but no word from Ben himself.  The most recent information received is that the adoptive family changed only his last name (they gave him their last name, of course).

Benjamin is my first-born son.  I've been trying to find him for seven years. I didn't search for him before, because (a) I had to wait for him to reach eighteen years before the adoption records would be opened, and (b) I was too afraid of his rejection.  I haven't found him, yet, but the adoption agency told me that he hasn't submitted any paperwork to find me.  This could mean one of two things: Either he doesn't know he's adopted, or he does know, but he doesn't want to get in touch with me.  Understandably, I want to believe that he doesn't know.

You may ask why, after all these years, I've picked up the pace on my search for Ben.  Well, there are several reasons.  First, he is my son; I have always loved and wanted him, and I want the chance to explain to him that I never signed the papers willingly; I was deceived, tricked, and forced to sign those papers under duress.  Second, he has siblings, one of which wants very much to meet him.  Karis, especially, has always felt incomplete - she's always known about Ben; I've never kept him a secret from her or any of my children - and I know it would make a huge difference to her to meet her brother and develop a solid and loving bond with him. Third, he has blood relatives who have asked about him for years, now, and they all want to meet him.

Maybe I'm just getting old and sentimental - I don't know. Maybe it's better if he doesn't know about us - we are a pretty screwed up family, that's for sure.  But, if he does know about us, maybe it's best if he doesn't try to reach out. I just don't know.  I only know that last night, I dreamed of him as an adult, and the dream was so intense and so vivid that I thought it was real, that it was actually happening for real.

My sister and brother-in-law feel very strongly that he is on Facebook. So many people use Facebook that it's not inconceivable that they just might be right. I want very much to believe they are right; the possibility that he may know about me but may not be interested in contacting me is too hurtful to contemplate.

I used to have pictures of him when he was a baby, but a vicious landlord raided my apartment, one day, and stole the album in which they were contained (as well as some of my china and other items). The album also contained pictures of my other three children and other relatives that can't be replaced.  If I had any pictures of Benjamin, I would surely post them, just in case someone recognized him.

I am asking for help from you, the Readers. If you know Ben, or if you have any information as to where he is and/or how to reach him, please leave me a comment here. If you know him, but if you want to remain anonymous, please send him here and ask him to leave me a comment himself.  I don't know what else to do to find him.  I don't have money to hire an investigator, so I have to find other ways to search for him.  Reaching out to you for help is one way; changing my last name on my Facebook profile to make it easier for him to find me is another way.

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and visit.  I hope you all have a great day and a great week.