Everything is falling apart. Roger got paid today, and I paid bills without thinking about the stuff that's coming out on the first, and now - again - we will be forced to live on credit because I can't work. To top it all off, the stupid rod in the bedroom closet broke on Roger's side, and he put all his clothes in his Sanctuary room - and I took my clothes out to make room for his, and ended up with no room for me. It seems like there's never any room for me, no matter how much space there is. And now, Roger is talking about trying to find a second job just to keep a roof over our heads.

I can't do this anymore. I can't take it. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. Not strong enough to deal with my own uselessness. Not strong enough to have to keep swallowing the bitter pill that I am completely useless in this marriage. If I left, all the bills would be reduced dramatically. Electricity wouldn't be so high, because I wouldn't be here to have the lights or the computer on.  Water expenses wouldn't be so high, because I wouldn't be here to use the water for showers or baths or extra laundry.  The grocery bill wouldn't be so high because I wouldn't be here to eat the food he buys. NOTHING would be so high - and Roger wouldn't have to talk about trying to find a second job.

My clothes are sitting on the coffee table in the living room, right now. I have nowhere to put them. Most of them are things I didn't pick out for myself and don't wear, anyway, but that's not the point. The point is that there is no room here for me.  There's not even any room for me in the basement, because all of Roger's stuff is down there, all over the place, and I'm not allowed to get rid of any of it.

I don't know what to do, anymore. I'm stressed, but I don't tell Roger, because he's way more stressed out than me. Because he's the one working his ass off all day every day because I can't work. I'm just useless... I'm just a burden to him.

I don't know what's going to happen from here. I haven't decided. The only thing I know for sure is that something has to be done.

6:16pm EDIT:  You know what the worst part is about all this? It's the fact that I can sell off my camera, my printer, my scanner, some of my jewelry, even my computer, and all it will do is keep the hyenas at bay for a month. One month. That's it. Just one month. Then, it will start all over again. That's the worst part.

Whatever. Something has to give for the better, and that's all there is to it.