Subscribe to Journal

Thursday, November 20th 2014

10:23 AM

Firing Back

I have bitten my tongue long enough. For weeks, you and your boyfriend have been slamming me and Roger publicly. In all that time, I have bitten my tongue over and over again while trying to remind myself that I am above your kind of childish behavior. But, after what I heard from you last night - and don't bother denying that you didn't want me to hear you, because we both know that's a load of bullshit - I'm not going to bite my tongue again.

You have a lot of fucking nerve making accusations against me, when you have been the one "venting" (as you like to see it) publicly about how much of a bitch I am, how Roger and I don't show you any respect, how fake we are, how we've been backstabbing you, and all the rest of the crap you've been spewing, lately.  Last night, you had the audacity to criticize me for giving one child up for adoption because I couldn't take care of him, and then, in your words, "... going on to have three more? Like, really?" Then today, I learned that you're saying I wrote a big blog about how you're a bad parent. Well, enough is enough.

A good parent does not yell and scream at and lecture their children when they make mistakes. I've lost count of how many times you have done this to them.

A good parent works hard to provide a roof over the heads of their children, proper and sufficient food for their children to eat, and clothing that fits their children. When is the last time you did that? And by the way, going to the food bank doesn't count.

A good parent ensures that rent is paid every month - in full, and on time. When is the last time you and your boyfriend paid any rent, hmm? You're so far behind that at this rate, you're never going to see daylight. When you move into your own place, I really don't think your landlord is going to be so accommodating to you when you don't pay for months on end.

A good parent does not punish their children by telling them they are not allowed to even speak to their grandparents, never mind spend time with them, just because that parent has issues with those grandparents. The issues between adults should be dealt with by the adults; a good parent would never use their children as weapons.

A good parent encourages their children. They do not make their children feel like they're nothing special. You can't begin to imagine how heartbreaking it was to hear Tia say, "I want to be someone," when I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. You don't know how devastating it was to hear her say, "No, I'm not. I'm nothing," when I told her she already was someone special. What kind of parent makes their children feel like they aren't special?

The trouble with you and your boyfriend is that you both are refusing to acknowledge the fact that you live under our roof. Somehow, somewhere along the line, you both developed a sense of entitlement to our home that has made you forget just who it is that has been providing for you. Until recently, when we decided that it was time for you both to start standing on your own two feet and taking resposibility for your family, Roger was putting all of the food on the table, not you; Roger pays for the roof over your heads, not you; Roger pays the utility bills, not you. All of you have lived under our roof for nearly two years. For most of that time, Roger has been supporting you. Your boyfriend doesn't hold down a job for longer than a couple of months - probably because he owes thousands of dollars in child support and he doesn't want to pay it. You haven't worked since last year. The way I see it, neither one of you has the right to bitch about anything. You aren't paying for anything, so therefore, you don't get to complain about what you have.

I could go on, but I'm not going to. There's no point. I've "expressed" my feelings about things - just as you have (and as you are continuing to "express" all over Facebook) - and now I'm done.

You have hurt me very deeply, Karis. I realize you don't care, and that's fine. I'm only saying it because I feel you deserve that from me. I still love you - I am always going to love you. But I think my days of trying to get through to you are done. You are not going to change, you are not going to stop believing the very worst about me. I don't like that, but I will accept it. But the next time your life falls apart as it did with Melinda, don't expect me to open my home to you again. You will be welcome to visit, and if the girls need it, they can stay with us. But until you grow up, until you start recognizing and truly owning your choices - and the harm those choices have caused and are causing even now - you, yourself, will not be allowed to live here again.
0 /

Wednesday, November 19th 2014

9:53 AM

Wednesday Tidbits

You know, I honestly don't know what to say, anymore. It seems that no matter how great the efforts are to get off a specific road, the feet always seem to get yanked back onto it.  The good news, though, is that I do believe I have finally figured out what the lesson is that I was just not recognizing - and therefore, I was not learning. I do believe, however, that I've got it now.

Looking back, the signs were always there. I just didn't want to ackowledge them. I wanted so badly to believe that things could be different, that we would be okay, that I ignored all the red flags that kept jumping up at me. And, I ignored all the people who kept trying to warn me that I was letting myself in for yet another heartbreak. I'm not in denial anymore, though.

All the accusations made in previous go-rounds are being made yet again. All the same actions are being re-enacted. It's the same shit, different day.

And the most tragic thing about it is that it's never going to change.

The most painful aspect about it is that I have to accept that reality. I can't deny it anymore.

Well, whatever. That's all for now. Have a great day...
1 /

Saturday, November 15th 2014

9:49 AM

Saturday Samples

  • Feeling: fibro flare
  • Current Weather: Sunny. -16C. Wind chill -19C. Forecast: Cloudy. 30% chance of flurries this morning, then clearing. High -3C

Well, it's about time.  Finally, the temperatures are moderating to a much more reasonable degree.  Oh, it's still cold. But it's not the bone-freezing cold we've been dealing with this past week. I for one am damned grateful for that.

On a different note, things are slowly changing here at the Tree. As I have mentioned before, I am drastically minimizing what I write here about the realities of my life, and tending more towards more trivial topics. I do have a private space on the world-wide web where I can vent when things are rough; you all know me well enough by now to know that when life is happening to me, my way of coping with it is to "talk" about it through writing. That is not going to change. But here at the Tree... Nope.

Having said that, however, I will continue to share small tidbits of life here, because there are some people in my life who do swing by every now and again to see how things are going. Those people are super-busy, so when they do get a minute to drop by, at least they'll get an idea about what's what. I don't think that's unfair or unreasonable.

I'd like to offer a tidbit every day, so to officially kick things off, here is today's tidbit.

Glimmer and Violet are getting closer every day. They are now sleeping together at night, every night, and both seem much happier for it. They play with each other often throughout the day, as well, and through that play, Violet is learning to respect Glimmer's rules, boundaries, and limitations. It really is quite wonderful.

In other news, yesterday was Roger's birthday. We went out for dinner to celebrate. We talked about everything under the sun, we laughed, we made googly-eyes at each other, we held hands. We talked about what's happening in our lives right now, we talked about what's happening at work, we talked about our hopes and dreams for the future... It's been soooo long since we did those things... and it was awesome.

Well, that's all for now. I hope anyone reading this has a great day and a great weekend. See you again soon...
1 /