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Thursday, October 23rd 2014

9:34 PM

Night Moves

The end of the day has finally arrived. Karis talked to me a little today, and that was really nice.  Well, she didn't talk, exactly, but she didn't ignore me or give me any kind of attitude when I asked her a question or when she asked me a question. So, it was a good day, in that respect.

My aunt came by and left me a comment. I was very surprised; I had no idea she was even reading this blog. But I loved reading her perspective; my aunt always seems to know when I need her insights the most. It's a gift she has - and I for one am very grateful that she acts on it when she feels compelled to do so.

The truth is that, in these postings, while it may seem like I pretty much have my "stuff" together, I actually feel quite lost much of the time. I miss my dad so very much; during rough waters, he's the one I keep trying to turn to. But, he's not here. He left this life in 1996. Roger - bless his beautiful heart - has tried so hard to reassure me that I'm not alone, but somehow, his understanding and his efforts to help me just don't feel quite the same as those my dad would give me in times like this. It's not fair to Roger that I feel this way; I know this. And I love him all the more for understanding even this about me.

Last night, I heard Karis say something to the effect that, "It's like she's not my mom; it's like my mom left," while talking to someone - presumably, about the changes that have been put into action in the house. I'm not sure why she feels that way; I'm the same person I was three days ago. All I've done is made a few changes that will benefit all of us. How is that wrong, when all I'm trying to do is motivate and encourage them to find jobs, get caught up on their rent and bills, and work towards finding a place of their own that they can call "home", and where Karis will have the freedom to have things her way?

Well, anyway, it is what it is, I suppose. It's sad that they don't see things that way, but oh, well. It's on them, now, to process and deal with it.

On a different note, I've been hearing some very mysterious banging outside my office window, lately. Every time it would happen, I would look out to the yard, and no one would be there. I figured maybe Karis and the girls were trying to prank me, since it's Fright Month in our house. But, no, it wasn't them. So, I admit that after about the fourth time it happened and no one was outside, I got a little nervous.

Two days ago, the mystery was finally solved: The banging started, and I swiveled my head around - and what did I see? A big, male red-shafted flicker! Flickers are very similar to woodpeckers in all but size. They are smaller than woodpeckers. So, seeing the male latched onto the stucco and pounding away at it to enlarge what used to be a very small hole but which is now the size of a baseball really surprised me.

At first, I got up close to the window so I was only inches away from him. I admired him greatly for several seconds, and then, I told him he couldn't peck my house apart and to please go away. He just looked at me for a moment, and then, without a sound, he flew away. He hasn't been back.

A flicker. Huh!

Well, that's it for me for tonight. I had a pretty good day, overall, and I'm glad for it. Thanks for visiting!
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Tuesday, October 21st 2014

5:41 PM

Empowerment

Life is starting to become more interesting.  Some changes have been implemented at home, and at least one of them is not being terribly well received by Karis or Paul. I don't understand why, since I did tell her I was going to be doing what I did, and at the time, she seemed to think it was a reasonable and good idea. I've already written about what's going on at the other place, so I'll just leave it at that.

Glimmer and Violet have been doing really well together. Yesterday, they played together for almost 15 minutes. It was awesome. It was especially awesome to see Glimmer actually smiling; she hasn't done that since Charlie joined Rascal...

Having taken action on some of the things on my project list has made me start to feel better emotionally and mentally; getting the fridge cleaned, organized, and labeled really helped. I feel like I have a little more control over my life, now; I didn't realize just how powerless I'd been feeling until I put the last label on the last shelf. I'm sure this will continue to gain strength as I achieve each goal I've set for myself. Karis and Paul aren't too pleased with us, of course, but honestly, I'm not doing anything unfair or unreasonable, so they really don't have any room for complaint. They don't feel that way about it, but oh, well.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in, say hello, and basically let people know I'm still alive. Thanks for reading...
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Thursday, October 16th 2014

7:01 AM

Violet

It's been two nights and one full day since the kitten joined us. Yesterday, she had her first visit to the vet. Because of the mystery surrounding her appearance on our friend's farm, she was given one of two de-worming treatments. She was also sexed [to verify what we already know], weighed, and given a complete health check-up. She weighed in at a respectable 3/4 of a pound.  Aside from a bit of bloat and an odd wound on one of her back feet, Violet is doing very well. The vet is very happy with her overall health and has no concerns.

 

 

 

There are so many different emotions running through me about this kitten that I don't know how to express them. I wish she would reach out to Roger instead of persisting in coming to me for love I just can't give her and touch I can hardly bear. But, Roger and Glimmer are happy with her, and since that's what really matters, I just internalize it and deal with the situation as best I can.

She is making that incredibly difficult. She forces herself on me, refusing to accept every effort on my part to ignore her.  The second I touch her even slightly, she starts purring so loud it's like listening to a motor running right inside my ear. To add insult to injury, when I have to hold her, she looks up at me with a complete trust and unconditional love shining out of her deep blue eyes that even I cannot deny, and I feel myself falling into them in a way I only ever experienced with Charlie. Well, I can't handle that. I'm not emotionally capable of giving back to her even a fraction of what she is offering to me, and yet, she still persists at trying to get under my skin and make me love her. Why won't she just give all that to Roger and Glimmer, instead, and let me be? I don't want to fall in love with her...
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