Since Friday, my mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts, questions, ideas, introspections, and more, as I've struggled to process what my doctor dropped on me. I've been sorting through old things - memories, ideas, beliefs, thoughts, pictures, objects, etc. - and slowly determining what is worth holding onto, and what needs to be forever released. Taking ownership of what is honestly mine, and letting go of what is not mine. Looking at and accepting what truly is, and releasing what has only been illusion. It is a difficult task, and not without emotional upheaval. But I am determined to do it. Too much of my life has passed trying to live as and be someone other than me. I am now paying the price for that.
Today, I am letting go of a burden I have been unable to release for the past three years. I've tried, and sometimes, I've managed to at least get a rest from its weight. But it always ends up on my back again, and I think it's because I wasn't truly ready to let it go. Today, I am ready. Today, I want to release it... and never again take it back.
Teri, I forgive you of the things you have said and done over the past three years that have hurt me. Hurt causes people to lash out at those closest to them, and I own that I said and did things in anger that contributed to the choices you made.
I miss you. I won't deny that. Sometimes, I miss you so much that I can't help but cry. I feel it most keenly when I'm out chasing a storm and I find myself driving in your direction.
I am genuinely grateful to you for everything you gave to me, did for me, and taught me in our ten years together, and I hope I can share with others the good things I learned from you. For example, you taught me how to laugh, and I never laughed so much in my life as I did with you. Another example is that you taught me to not take everything so seriously all the time, and I stopped sweating the small stuff - which reduced my stress levels. I am deeply grateful to you for these gifts, Teri, even though you may not believe it.
Our time is over, and I am deeply saddened by that truth. But I will remember our good years together with great fondness - and yes, even tears, sometimes. I do wish you genuine love and happiness as you move through the rest of your life, and I hope you will come to realize that your life does have value and that the good you give to others does have meaning.
Now, with genuine love, compassion, and honesty in my heart, I release you. Goodbye, old friend. May your path be more gentle and may the wind stay always at your back...