The morning is dawning warm and muggy. There is a blessed silence on both the ground and in the air right now that fills my heart with gratitude. We live in a relatively quiet neighborhood, but the price we pay for that is living between two flight paths, and when the planes start coming in and taking off, the sound can be near to deafening. So, the few hours of silence in the deep middle of the night are a welcome relief and a huge blessing to be enjoyed to its fullest.
All previous postings on this blog have been removed. The last post has been in place for a week, with no allowance for comments. I have been in a very bad depression; when the previous post was published, my state of mind was such that I was preparing to leave life, believing that I had no right to be in it. Thanks to the precious few people in my life who truly know me and love me just the way I am, I am still here... and I am slowly but steadily recovering.
I am not afraid of death - in fact, I have reached out for its cold embrace more than once in my life. But it is not my time, yet, to dance in its arms. I have too much to do before I can take that rest.
So, here I am. Like me, love me, hate me if it makes you feel good. But from this point forward, people have only two options with me: accept me as I am, or leave me alone. Because, I am done. I will never again allow anyone to make me feel about myself the way I have felt this past week.
We are given a certain amount of time to experience what it is to be human. We are given countless opportunities to create peace and harmony within ourselves so that we can effect positive change in the world at large. Some are blessed with fame and fortune, which creates the perception that they are making a much bigger difference in the world. But in my opinion, the greatest, most impacting change comes from those who are not rich or famous. It comes from those who truly realize and understand that change must come from within, first, before it can manifest outwardly.
A wonderful and inspiring example of this comes from my adopted brother Shawno. His life has been challenging, to say the very least, and yet, he is one of the most honest, most loving, most compassionate people I have ever had the privilege to know. Somehow, he always manages to find a way to turn even the darkest of hours into bright beacons of light that inspire and uplift everyone he meets, talks to, and interacts with either online or in real life. People don't always appreciate his perspectives or his insights into human behaviors, but he doesn't let that stop him from being himself, nor does he allow anyone to try to make him be someone he's not just so they can feel better about themselves.
Shawno's life is a genuine inspiration not just to me, but to many. In many ways, he is a true hero in my eyes, because he has faced and overcome tremendous adversities in his life. He has fought his personal demons, and he has won. He has taken whatever unpleasant or outright heartbreaking lessons life has given him, and he has turned them into tools for finding - and living - true and lasting happiness. He gives freely and without expectation, even when he has a disagreement with someone or he suffers the emotional impact of the ending of a long friendship. He is one of a very precious few who practices this way of life even as he encourages others to live this same way. In my eyes, that takes a tremendous amount of courage, love, and determination - and that is another reason why, in my eyes, he is a hero.
I am not saying these things to stroke his ego. I am saying these things because this is genuinely how I perceive him. I don't think I've ever really shared my perceptions of people in this way, but I would like to start, and Shawno is the perfect person with which to begin this part of my life journey.
This is all I have to say for now. Life is changing, and I am choosing to go with nature instead of fighting it. Take that however you will...