Happy Eighth Birthday to my beautiful granddaughter Matia...

Dear Matia,

Grandpa Roger and I are sending you lots of extra love and extra happy wishes for you today. We can't celebrate your special day with you, but know in your heart that we are always with you in spirit, loving you bigger than the sky and wider than the universe.

It's hard to believe that you're already eight years old, especially when we can't see you growing up. The years go by so fast, T:  To us, it feels like you were born yesterday, and tomorrow, you're going to be a teenager.

We know that it's hard on the two of you not to see us as much as you should. It's hard on me and Grampa Roger, too. We cry a lot for missing you both... But we just have to trust that the universe knows what it's doing, and that, when the right time comes - and it always does - the reward will have been more than worth the wait.

We know that you probably will never see this letter. But if, by some miracle, you do, know that no matter what life brings, and no matter what anyone may try to tell you to the contrary, we have loved you and your sister from the moment of your conception, we do love you both fiercely, and we always will love you both. You are the sunshine in our lives, T; you are the reason we keep holding fast to our trust in the universe, the reason we keep holding fast to our hopes and dreams about and for you and Nikki.

Our greatest wish for you on your special day is that you are happy, that you know you are loved, wanted, and deeply missed, and that your own hopes and dreams will come true for you.

Love,
Gramma Holly and Grampa Roger

I've woken up with pain so intense in my head that I feel certain my head is going to explode. That, or I'm about to have an aneurism and die. Oooooo. That would make at least one person happy, considering that she's said more than once that she has no mother and that I'm dead to her.  On the other hand, maybe it would piss her off, because it didn't happen when it was convenient to her. Maybe I should die just to give her an actual reason to be pissed off at me. Imagine the fun I could have haunting her...

"Now, now, Holly", my inner voice reprimands. "Pull those claws in, hon. Just because she's played you again doesn't mean you have to be mean about her. You're more mature than that."

Why? Why should I pull in my claws? Once again, she has shit on me. I thought reality had finally broken through to her, and that she was finally ready to own her shit. I was wrong. I'm upset about that. Why is she entitled to verbally spew all over the place and make me out to be some kind of horrible ogre for a year, but I'm not allowed to express my feelings when I find out she's played me yet again? Inner voice, I love you, but on this occasion, I say, FUCK THAT.

I hope she gets everything she truly, genuinely deserves - all at once.  I hope she wakes up today with the full realization of what she's done, and that no one will feel sorry for her or listen to her bullshit when she starts crying and whining about how nobody loves her or wants to be around her. I hope she truly hits rock bottom and stays there until she accepts that she's brought this shit on herself, and that------

"Be careful what you wish for, Holly," my inner voice warns. "Remember that words have power, and that what you put out to the universe will come back to you. Anger lends extra power to what you put out; remember that, and choose your words with care."

--- Yeah, okay, fine. I will rephrase.  I hope she wakes up today with full realization of what she's done and how many people she has hurt with her actions, that she will own her shit instead of blaming it on everyone and everything around her, and that she will have the balls to not only apologize, face to face, but to get professional help and stick with it.

There. Is that better? Because that's as charitable I can be right now.

You know what? This is ridiculous. I love her, but this is just not worth the stress I'm being put through - again.  I have better things to do with my time and my life than deal with this bullshit...